Monthly Archives: January 2011

Sometimes There Are No Words

Some updates.

Monday I decided to see if pregnant women can fly down escalators, they can’t. A several hour trip to the hospital told us everything is fine. Saw baby girl’s face during the ultrasound. Was also told that she weighs 7lbs 12oz give or take a pound.

I don’t remember much about Tuesday other than being very sore.

Wednesday I started showing early signs of impending labor. Some details just shouldn’t be shared. My contractions are still infrequent but they are more powerful every time.

Thursday we went to the doctor, who told me I wasn’t allowed on escalators anymore. She also confirmed my suspicions about early signs of labor and told me I was dilated a bit more.

Friday, I don’t remember much about Friday either.

Saturday I spent all day at my Mom’s house. We met one of her friends who brought us tons of baby stuff she was about to give to the thrift store from when her grand-daughter was a baby. A lot of it is pink and girly but it was free, I’ll take pink and girly for free over spending tons of money on non pink. I’m pretty sure my daughter already has more clothes than me, but I don’t really mind. I want to shop for clothes for her constantly.

Sunday (which was yesterday) I slept most of the day, which was nice, it’s been hard for me to sleep for more than a few hours at a time recently. When my husband got home we went to the mall so I could walk around some. Trying to start labor. We got about three-fourths way through putting the crib together and relised we had the wrong kinds of screws, again. We’re going to the hardware store this afternoon to get the right ones and hopefully we’ll then have the crib put together! We’re never taking it apart again.

This morning has been intiresting, both of my kitties are acting a little off. Polgara is acting as if she’s hurt herself, though she lets me rub her belly and touch on her legs, but she’s moving very gingerly. She’s gotten better as the moring goes by. Sticking very close to me, though. I think she’s either fallen or the dog that freaked her out outside the window a few days ago was back last night and has her on edge. There are also a lot of changes going on in the house, which may have her a little stressed. PLUS, Ce’Nedra has gone into heat for the first time and seems a little confused about what is happening to her, which may also be affecting Polgara. I’m drinking nettle coffee and starting to think on ways to get myself to move around the house, still trying to induce labor, but not over working myself. There is a difference between inducing labor and hurting myself.

Finally I want to extend some good intentions out over the world, I’ve heard so many horrific stories the past couple of days and I know many people who need love and support right now as they face things no one should ever have to face.


A few rules.

1.Never stop thinking. This is important. If someone ever says to you ‘You need to stop thinking so much,’ call them ignorant in your head and keep thinking deeper. It is this mentality that breeds stupidity and sheeple. Your mind is the most important tool you have, if you stop using it, it will atrophy. Question everything.

2. Stare into space blankly and don’t mentally punish yourself for doing it, even if it is for that split second. If you have a problem with staring blankly, think of it as daydreaming.

3. Root Beer sucks after having spicy food.

4. Everything is going to be just fine. If you worry about acne, you’re going to get a fucking pimple.

5. Don’t be afraid to talk about anything. You shouldn’t be afraid of reality.

6. Everyone is a hypocrite.

7. You are all original. Every life experience is case sensitive and unique. Every time you wake up or go to the bathroom or quote someone else, you are becoming more you than anyone has ever been.

8. Do pointless things. Don’t actively restrain or hide yourself from the redundant.

9. Stop rushing. Shut up and embrace the sound of silence.

10. Religion shouldn’t be taught, it should be found. No one should tell you what to believe except you. And while were on the subject…

11. Don’t be restrained by one religion. People change every moment of everyday. Minds grow and evolve. Religion has no law so feel free to mix and match. Make your own.

12. Going to the bathroom is not a right nor a privilege. it’s an act of nature.

13. Talking to yourself is healthy. Is there anyone that you have more in common with?

14. There is no such thing as time. The sun never sets or rises. Days and years don’t exist. There is only your life. Earlier today you were born and death is predicted later in the evening.

15. We will always be in a transitional phase. Look outside and know that everything will be replaced at some point. This existence is temporary.

16. Its not half empty or half full. Its half a glass.

17. Every now and then take something that you see everyday and try to see it in a different light. Renew its existence.

18. Be happy, but don’t force it.

19. You will always succeed in trying.

20. We are all crazy. Every person you read about in the history books had some kind of ‘disorder’, they just knew how to use it.

21. We are all about as similar as we are different.

22. Ideas are just as valuable as people. Why do you think we keep making people?

87. Numbers don’t have to go in order.

24. Words will always be just words. Love is just another four letter word, only the feeling is real.

25. Ask a child for advice. They may not know much, but they know what is important.

26. Prove you’re alive. Do anything from dancing in the supermarket to screaming ‘Fuck’ during a moment of silence. Remind the world you are still here.

27. Don’t take anything, even this, too seriously.


Poem: Discovered Concrete

Continuing the theme,
Of dark and damp existence,
Winning the hearts of none,
The pity of millions,
Corrected by the political world,
Turned out by the artistic crowd.

Restaurant at the center of the earth,
Will serve you twice as much,
Half as often,
For fifty percent of the price,
I love you,

Struck twice by the arrow of Eros.

Prompt: Name three reasons why you should get out of bed tomorrow…

Number 1: Moving around will bring on the natural labour that I want so badly for myself and my daughter.

Number 2: If I don’t get up and eat, I’m not just hurting myself due to hypoglycemia, I’m starving my daughter.

Number 3: Being pregnant makes one have to pee, a lot.

Stumble Along

I read about an Eskimo hunter who asked the local missionary priest, ‘If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?’ ‘No,’ said the priest, ‘not if you did not know.’ ‘Then why,’ asked the Eskimo earnestly, ‘did you tell me?’

– Annie Dillard, Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, 1974









“I have lived on the lip of insanity, wanting to know reasons, knocking on a door. It opens. I’ve been knocking from the inside.”
— Rumi

91-year-old superhero!

Poem: Incomprehensible Pile

The sun would kiss my feet,
If I were bold enough to ask him to,
But I’m not that cruel, my love.

And I would ask you not to judge me,
For the color of my hair,
Or the tone in my voice,
But I know you will, my love.

So I’ll walk across these flames,
Tell the muses not to whisper your name,
And find myself sitting on the moon,
Singing with the stars.

Baby Sitter Overload

Many people are expressing a desire to babysit our daughter after she gets here. She has a big family and a handful of adopted aunts/uncles. As much as we want everyone to be able to spend time with her, WE want to see her too.

I know everyone is excited and I am by no means UPSET, I just don’t want anyone to get their feelings hurt when they don’t get to see her all the time. Especially right after she is born. I don’t want to be one of those Moms who never let’s go of her child, but I want to get to know her before I hand her off to someone else.

I’ll just have to learn to be able to say ‘no’ to my family, which is harder than you might think.